This lesson is recent and raw, but I may as well get it down while it's fresh in my mind. I'm always grateful when God speaks to me so crystal clearly on something, even when it's a gentle smack in the face.
See, without going into too many details or wanting to put down my beautiful students, there's been some battling going on between teachers and students of late. Mainly it's been in regard to the end-of-the-year dinner. Students have been making various, what I'll call "selfish," requests for it, and after thought and research, we have basically said "no" to most of them. The response has been, as to be expected, less than enthusiastic and culminated on Friday on their M.S. evaluations. Several negative comments followed each other until I somewhat exploded into a tirade. "Don't they realize that this dinner is entirely a gift?! From us to them! It costs them nothing, and we shower them with love and stories and gifts and personally written notes, and yet they're demanding things to be exactly their way. And when it's not, they gripe and whine and say we're treating them like 3rd graders! This isn't a 'right,' it's a free gift. A gift!"
I'm pretty sure God waited all of two seconds before I heard the Holy Spirit clear as day in my heart: "Sound familiar, Katrina?" When I stop to consider all the gifts God has given me, it doesn't take me too long to shut my mouth. I get to live and work in the absolute best setting I could imagine, with people who also love what they do and the kids they do it for. God has, for some reason, seen fit to place me into a supportive family, and my circle of wonderful friends spans the globe. I'm healthy and get to travel, and I haven't even broached the subject yet of all the gifts Christ gave me through his death on the cross - salvation, redemption, eternal life! The very breath I use to complain against him is a gift. And that's my default, isn't it: to complain and gripe and say "But why couldn't I have been made like this? And why can't I have that?"
Entitlement. It takes me back to the original sin in the Garden. It's the idea that God is holding out on something good that we
deserve, something that is our right. It's the lie we've been taught from the cradle that we should only have good things happen to us. Yet, a friend back in Minnesota used to say it straight forward a lot: "What we truly
deserve is eternal hell." And he was right. Entitlement is a lie because God doesn't hold out. In fact, what he has promised and guaranteed us is exactly the opposite in all the splurging he plans to do in heaven. With such an amazing future in our back pockets, why shouldn't we be willing to endure fire and brimstone in this life if he asked us to. The final reward stands absolutely secure. Entitlement steals our joy in the here and now. It darkens those lenses that allow us to see every gift for what it actually is: a gift! "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights" (James 1:17). In that one instant, I saw myself and my sweet kiddoes in the light of truth. As believers, we're not getting what we deserve, and that's a good thing.
This wasn't meant to be a sermon, except to my own soul, but perhaps you can identify. When I saw my tirade in light of my own short-comings and God's generosity, I was able to leave my office again and feel genuine love again for the students. Just one more gift from his hand to my heart.
The beautiful 8th grade class - they really do hold a special place in my heart!
