“It costs the candle no light of its own to share light with another candle.” I was sitting in a Ugandan church service when the pastor said this, and I was instantly struck by the reality that it must be a universal reality to have to fight this scarcity mindset. Although he was encouraging us to share the good news of Jesus with unbelievers, I’ve been reflecting on how this truth applies to even believer relationships. We can be all too quick to give in to the lie that if a friend spends time or resources or energy on someone else, it means there will be less left over for me.
It was the exact lie my colleague and I were trying to help the sobbing 5th grader in my office face last week, when she spoke the truest words she could at her age: “Friendships are so messy!” Too true. We can all picture that person who saps all our energy, or the one who flakes out on us, or (like my student) the one we wish would pay more attention to us, whose attention spent elsewhere makes us jealous or lonely.
Last week, social media reminded me that it was the 79th anniversary of the death of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German pastor who took a stand against the Third Reich and paid the ultimate price for his courage. Ever since I read Eugene Peterson’s book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction in college, I’ve always associated Psalm 133 with Dietrich Bonhoeffer, so I pulled it out again over the weekend.
Psalm 133: A song of ascents. Of David.
1 Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!
2 It is like precious oil on the head, running down on the beard,
on the beard of Aaron,
running down on the collar of his robes?
3 It is like the dew of Hermon, which falls on the mountains of Zion!
For there the LORD has commanded the blessing,
life forevermore.
As Peterson unpacks this psalm in his book, he makes the statement that believers don’t get the luxury of asking “Am I going to be part of a community of a faith?” because there’s no choosing, not really. The psalm calls us brothers and sisters, and you don’t get a choice whether or not your parents give you siblings. The true question is “How am I going to be part of a community of faith?” Because when relationships get messy, when siblings fight and it feels like it’s costing us our own light, will we still choose to believe that the community of faith is a gift from God? That it’s “good and pleasant,” that it’s like “oil poured on the head” and “dew of Hermon falling on Mount Zion.”
Those are funny choice images. Well, the first one. I think most of us can imagine how the dew of a beautiful semi-alpine mountain suddenly appearing on a much lower hill in Jerusalem, in a semi-arid climate no less, would be a really lovely thing, how it would bring refreshment and nourishment to plants and perhaps life and beauty. The oil image, however, doesn’t sound as appealing. Dripping down our heads and staining clothes? We have to refer back to Exodus 29 when Aaron was being installed as high priest and then take note that throughout Scripture, anointing oil was synonymous with God’s presence and His Spirit being with a person. Peterson writes that to picture the other person drenched in oil is remembering again that they are a priest.
This is not an easy task. When the 5th grader lamented the same thing last week, my colleague was the one who pointed out to her that it’s pretty much impossible to do on our own. But that's exactly the beauty of the gospel - Jesus died and rose again and sent his Spirit to live inside of us so that we have a chance. When the Spirit inside of me is the same Spirit inside of you, there should be a bond, a common calling, a shared mission of seeing Jesus glorified together in our community. It’s what connects a German pastor from 80 years ago to a Ugandan pastor in 2024. That’s why giving you encouragement or time or resources or friendship isn’t really as costly as I think it’s going to be. Jesus already paid the price. Bonhoeffer writes, “Our community with one another consists solely in what Christ has done in both of us.” He goes on to say how much we need each other, to preach truth repeatedly to one another, to gift each other dew and oil.
And how does it all end? According to the psalmist, in blessing and life forevermore. In multiplied light and a community that works for one another’s good. According to 1 Peter 2:9, we’re a royal priesthood to proclaim the excellencies of him who called us out of darkness. I’m not sure what challenges you will face in your community this week, but the question isn’t will you choose to be a part of it; the question is how will you live out the reality that you are.
