Jesus in the Both And

So January just happened. I’m hunched over with my hands on my knees because it felt like one sprint after the other, a whiplash of glory and grit, a seesaw of delight and despair. We cheered in ecstasy at the one-point victory over a team ranked above us, and then moaned a week later when 20% of our student body were sick in bed. The impending need of a triple bypass surgery for one I love dearly reached me in the middle of Spiritual Emphasis week when hearts were being changed. There came the news that several babies will draw their first breaths in 2026, even as three souls drew their last this month, one only 6 years old.

I want to simultaneously shout for joy from the top of Freiburg's Schlossbergturm and have a good cry in a therapist’s office, run a marathon and curl up in a corner and sleep for a week. It’s not a surprise to me that life is full of these juxtapositions - brokenness and wholeness, life and death, spiritual oppression and kingdom beauty - it’s just that both have been so intense this month. This ampersand life we are called to is no joke. Making it to February has only been possible through the new-every-morning, matchless-grace-giving kind of strength that comes from a God who cares for his children deeply.

But isn’t that every month? It’s just that sometimes I see my need and his provision more clearly than others. Sometimes my racing heart and sore emotions make me look over at the bench, pleading with Coach Jesus, “Do you see that I’m tired? A little help here, please!” My utter dependency doesn’t grow in that case; I just see it for what it is: reality that has always been.

As I hiked above Freiburg today, I was struck anew by Jesus’ tears with Mary and Martha outside Lazarus’ tomb. He knew they were going to be reunited imminently, and he still wept. I know one day I will meet the two Owens who left earth this January again, but that doesn’t mean I don’t weep in the now. Tears and laughter. Hope and despondency. Jesus and more Jesus. I wouldn’t want any other life.

Jan 31: hiking above Freiburg

Discipling TCK's

Earlier this month, at the WorldVenture regional conference for Europe, a couple of colleagues and I gave a workshop on the following topic: Discipling Third Culture Kids. I said “yes” really quickly (probably too quickly), but I enjoyed the preparation phase of reading books and just processing so many things with the others. In working with TCK’s, whether as a teacher in the classroom or a chaplain engaging them with spiritual questions, the goal has always been one of discipleship. I want my own life to more closely mirror that of Jesus Christ, and I desire that as well for the lives of my TCK students. So after some back-and-forth, our team settled on 5 Principles we wanted to unpack.

1. See and Shepherd the Whole Story.

It feels like TCK’s live an “ampersand” life, a term adopted from Lauren Wells. They get to experience unique joys, such as being bilingual, navigating historical cities, celebrating multiple holidays, and belonging to multicultural communities. & the hard can be deeply formative, such as losing friends and homes at a young age, feeling misunderstood in both their passport and host cultures, living amid visible poverty or political instability, and even carrying an unspoken pressure to be flexible or strong or resilient. The majority of TCK’s, once they’ve reached adulthood, overwhelmingly say they wouldn’t trade their childhood away for anything (something like 96%), but in a discipleship relationship, it’s still important for the adult to invite a younger TCK to share both the joy & the hard.

2. Model Emotional Honesty and Grace.

If Principle 1 is about seeing the whole story, Principle 2 is about responding to it. Many TCK’s possess a highly developed ability to adapt; such an external skill of conformity often masks an internal world of questions, doubts, and unnamed emotions. Some keep it hidden due to the pressure to remain steady and mature; others have later admitted they pulled back the cover to reveal some kind of emotion and felt misunderstood. If the goal of discipleship is to walk with someone in a Godward direction, then we need to model what it looks like to take our emotions to our Maker. To not just name them, but to feel them and allow Jesus to enter into the ampersand life. He gets it, but are we as adults in their lives giving them permission to express things honestly and be met with grace?

3. Normalize Transition, Grief, and Lament.

TCK’s tend to experience 4-8 major moves before the age of 18, compared to 0-2 of most monocultural peers. Transition is part of the regular rhythm of the TCK life, generally not an interruption or even a mistake. While some are minor and some are life-shattering, each one will be accompanied by a measure of grief. And grief isn’t weakness, rather it is love expressing itself in the pain of loss. Over and over in Scripture we see the model (to connect to Principle 2) of lament, and it’s a gift we can give our TCK’s to teach them to bring their grief to God who sees and cares. Transition is at the core of the gospel story after all.

4. Prioritize Presence over Performance.

It’s not unique to the TCK heart to want to be in someone’s presence rather than to be their project. We all get that. However, given the reality of Principle 3 and the life of transition and loss that many TCK’s will live, one temptation they face is to give in to the “Tyranny of Shoulds,” a phrase adopted from Michele Phoenix. These are those unrealistic expectations many face simply because their parents serve and represent God in a way or culture that makes them stick out. When kids give in to these pressures to be extra mature or spiritual or “holy,” they tend to draw away from God rather than toward him. In discipling TCK’s, the heart of Principle 4 is to worry less about the behavior they’re exhibiting and meet them instead with the steadfast, unconditional love of their Father, who simply wants to be with them.

5. Anchor Identity in Christ amid Shifting Belonging.

It’s hard to talk about TCK’s and not touch on the notion of belonging because to belong someone gives a person not just roots, but identity. And identity is a key part of discipleship. Being known, loved, and wanted without the need to perform is a core desire I dare to say every human carries. Thus, an adult who has a voice in the life of a TCK has the opportunity to reinforce the truth of Ephesians 2 over and over again: your belonging is not tied to a country or culture, but to a person - to Jesus Christ. And through him, you get to belong to his family as well, the most beautiful multicultural group there ever was.

So there you have it, a cliff notes version of our workshop. We forgot to have anyone take a picture of us giving it. So instead, here I am just hours after giving it, ready to ring in 2026 with some other WorldVenture friends:

Happy New Year!