“Where are your kids?” the little girl with the bouncy blond curls asked from her brother’s back.
“I don’t have any.” I replied with a smile.
“Why not?” her brow furrowed in confusion.
“Well, I’m not married, for one.”
Her jaw dropped. “Why ever not?!”
Her brother, sensing this was generally an inappropriate line of questioning, quickened his pace to get away from me, which left one of my friends to make eye contact with me. “No husband? What’s wrong with you!” she kidded, and I laughed.
It felt good to be able to laugh about my singleness. My experience is that it is such a tricky topic, even in the time I wasn’t actively “struggling” with it, I still didn’t broach the subject often. I certainly didn’t laugh about it. It makes people too uncomfortable. If they’re married, they generally don’t know how to process it well with me, and if they’re single, it too often turned into either a vent fest (Woe is me!) or a bash party (Why won’t people leave me alone?).
Years ago, in a period of longing, I asked the Lord that if I was going to stay single for life, or even just for a very lengthy time, that he would give me contentment. And truly, I believe he has. My singleness rarely feels like a burden, and on those 5 days in the year when it does, He shows up for me in a different way. (If I’m able to perceive it.) I’ve been able to experience a joyous intimacy with friends over the years, even without a sexual component, and I’ve been gifted with a ministry that satisfies. Whenever someone has said, “I’d love for you to be happily married” (usually Grandma), my standard response has been “ I am happy, but that’s not my ultimate aim anyway.” Ultimately, I am not missing out on anything of lasting value by being single. The gospel says so.
Sam Allberry’s book 7 Myths about Singleness (which I recommend to everyone, regardless of marital status) has the tagline “If marriage shows us the shape of the gospel, singleness shows us its sufficiency.” Oh man, do I love that. The more I’ve reflected on the sufficiency of the gospel, the more I recognize I need it in every area of my life, not just my singleness. I need the gospel's “enoughness” in my teaching, my finances, my play time, my writing, my relationships, my pain, my prayer life, even my sleep. I want the gospel to become infused into every part of my life. And truly, it’s a gift that my singleness not only highlighted my need, but became the doorway to seeing it over and over again: I need Jesus.
2 comments:
yes! What a blessing this contentment is! I don't always praise God for it like I should, thanks for the reminder.
I love this. I feel as a culture (Western, maybe? Certainly evangelical...) we are really good at pointing out the learning and growth that come from marriage, while ignoring the development and strengths that are unique to singleness. I continue to be so thankful for single friends like you, mostly because you are YOU and would be wonderful in a partnership or not, but also because I am challenged and inspired by the intimate, deep and focused relationship you have with Jesus. Thank you for sharing this part of your life, friend.
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