Friday, May 28, 2010

Final Week

My last week at BFA for this first year hasn't exactly gone as planned. In fact, it's been rather tough in a year that's been rather filled with tough weeks. More bad things happened, and more tears were shed on behalf of students I've come to love and care for deeply. On Wednesday night, I found myself engrossed in a deep conversation with God, wondering what the point of being here was if the cost to my heart was so great. The spiritual weight felt heavy on my chest, and I went so far as to question MK schools as a whole. Were they really all that wonderful? Did I want to go back to the states and defend them to supporters and friends? "Sure, send your kids to an MK school where they'll be emotionally dragged through the mud!" I stood on my bed, peering out my skylight window, and praying over and over that God would bring more healing (theme of the year). It was a late night, and there didn't seem to be any answers, so I feel asleep exhausted.

48 hours later, and I'm still tired. I've been staying late at school and coming home to pack more boxes for the big move on Tuesday. There are errands to run, bills to pay in advance, suitcases to pack for the states, and good-byes to be said. And in the midst of this chaos, God just gave me a gift. 5 minutes ago, my work was interrupted by a pack of squealing boys out on the square. Yes, you read that right: squealing boys! I ran to the skylight over my bed to see what the commotion was, and I saw some strangely clad boys dashing around and looking behind lampposts, around the fountain, and under benches. One of them screamed louder, and the others congregated as he pulled a neon yellow hat out from under the bench with a crumpled piece of paper. He put the bright hat on his head, proceeded to read what I assume was a clue to the others, and then they all ran off squealing some more. It made me smile.

Maybe this place is a place worth investing in. Maybe these kids, who certainly have seen a lot of bad things in this world, need a haven, and just maybe BFA can still be one. I got to thinking. What if the bad things that happened this year would have happened somewhere else, where they couldn't have been caught or curbed or healed? What if being at an MK school actually was God's way of pulling them out? What if the people who are here are here for a reason this year? I may not know all the staff yet, but the ones I know really do care, and the students I know best have sensitive hearts. I feel honored to be a part of it.

1 comment:

jake said...

My heart hurts for you and yet once again, you share such profound thoughts. I love how you express things. Love you, Mama