Jan was so proud as she flipped the puzzle box around and watched my face as I eyed the inner-workings of a human head. Skull and sinews, nerves and blood vessels, brains and teeth, even a realistic eyeball, it was all there.
“So cool! And so creepy!”
It was weird how intense both emotions were inside of me. Touching the pieces made me cringe a little bit at the thought of the muscles inside my own neck and how they were tensing and working even now to hold up my head. Jan pointed out the thyroid to me, and I was done swallowing my tea for a while. Clearly I was not created to be a scientist, and yet it was really cool to learn English terms for all the body parts I’d last discussed in my German-speaking high school biology class. I was repulsed and fascinated!
I’ve lived enough years to know that the coexistence of two seemingly contrary emotions is a perfectly normal thing, and yet still it takes me by surprise. Transition always highlights this phenomenon more than any other time. It is the end of May already; my time in America has dwindled from 12 months down to 7 weeks! And as I pack and prepare to move back to Germany, I’m both elated to return and sad to leave. Joy and grief. Sorrow and delight.
“Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief.” Prov 14:13.
I read this verse on Thursday and wondered about flipping it as well: “Even in heartache, there can be laughter, and the end of grief may be joy.” They’re both true. Simultaneously. When I am dropped off at the airport on July 19, there is no doubt I will cry with sadness at saying good-bye to Amanda and her beautiful family who have provided a haven for me. At the same time, Ellen and I will screech with excitement to be boarding that plane and returning home, to feel like we’re being put back into the game. I can’t wait to be reunited with my favorite prayer team, and yet I grieve saying good-bye to the Best Small Group Ever at my home church.
I guess I’m not really saying anything new with this blog, just pausing to acknowledge that a skinless puzzle has reminded me how I am indeed in this phase again: fully in sorrow and fully in joy.
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