2013 in Review

I'm feeling nostalgic and have been reflecting on the year 2013 and what I learned. If you're interested, read on, but if not, no pressure. :-)

January: I entered the new year amid smoke and firework in downtown Kandern - like any good German. We did start off with some other "newness" too because 2 new girls joined our small group, and I love them to bits! As a group, during this month, we had our sardine sleepover in my tiny living room and finished our "I Am Second" videos. Theme of this month: New Mercies.

February: Mainly I remember being in two places this month: at school especially for Play Practice, and at Elemenz Cafe (before they closed down). I also managed to retreat to the Rapha House with my beautiful Bible study group. Theme of this month: Friendship.

March: There were some big highlights this month in between the M.S. play performances (Love me some Alvin Fernald), taking the 8th graders hiking to a castle, and BFA hosting ICEC, in which I co-led my first workshop. Theme of the month: Courage.

April: Once Spring Break came to a close, April was fairly routine. A bunch of us did run in the Freiburg marathon, which apart from the cold was pretty fun. Theme of the month: Persistence.

May: Usually, May hits a school year, and someone punches the fast-forward button. I took a jaunt to Austria for a beautiful wedding of two friends. Some of us ran another race that took us through three countries (yes, countries), and nobody died. We braved yet another annual trip with 8th graders to southern Switzerland for a week, and nobody died there either. Theme of this month: Celebration.

June: The most bittersweet month was full of hurrahs and good-byes as we wrapped up another school year. Jill, EmKel, and I topped it off with 8 days in Israel, before I had to hug them both farewell (as well as many others). Theme of the month: Good Closure.

July: A kind soul named "Dad" brought me home for three weeks, so we could celebrate some family milestones, including my parents' 40th anniversary. I got to meet niece Megan, see the new house since the fire, and offer support as brother Andi underwent surgery. Theme of the month: Family.

August: Rachel and I got to spend nearly 2 weeks in gorgeous Marzell with three equally as gorgeous girls. Beyond that, August was fairly slow, and I spent a lot of it at work preparing for the new year. Theme of the month: Rest.

September: The new school year started with a bang. It's always challenging and fun to get to know new staff, new students, new bosses, and everything. Spiritual Emphasis Week generally comes at the perfect time to help me refocus and to help me look past early failures to a brighter future. Theme of this month: Humility.

October: As the leaves began to turn, I particularly enjoyed some new experiences, such as working the Cross Country meet, attending an educational Leadership Conference, and reconnecting with an old friend at a new outdoor museum. My small group girls dove in deeply, and God revealed himself to me in the creativity of my students. Theme of the month: Beauty.

November: 4 Thanksgiving meals are nothing new anymore in this community, but I was thankful for the good people they surrounded me with. Elizabeth and I snuck off to Avignon for a historical trip, and my Bible study group returned to the Rapha House, so I got to use my French. Theme of the month: (no surprise) Gratefulness.

December: The fastest month of the year, always, was particularly peaceful this year. Once the challenge of keeping students focused until the end was over, I actually had time to write, to decorate, to visit local Christmas markets, and to welcome my parents to my home for Christmas. Theme of this month: Focus on Christ.

If you made it this far, I'm impressed. And I would love to know some of the things you learned in 2013. May God's favor rest on you in the New Year as well!

After All, It is a Small World

Last weekend I had the privilege of a three-day mini vacation in Berlin. Back in October, Easyjet offered some amazing deals, and I had my wonderful cousin's apartment to crash in, so even though school was barely on break, I jumped at the chance to visit Germany's capital. I thoroughly enjoyed the sites, the museums, the history, the international food, the culture, and the stories, but one thing happened that I couldn't have planned or initiated if I had tried to.

On the very first day, I signed up for a free walking tour, and we ended up being such a big group, that they decided to split us up. The first guide said he'd take "this crowd over here," and about 20 of us trudged through the rain behind him to a nice view of the Brandenburg Gate where we began said tour. As we walked through the city, people started to strike up small talk conversations with others. I met a nice Scottish couple who now lives in Australia and an American from California just wrapping up her semester abroad. At one point, though, I overheard a woman say she taught at an international boarding school. "Interesting," I thought, "I didn't think they were any others besides BFA in Europe." Due to the course and then eventual end of the tour, I didn't get a chance to chat with her until we were departing from our final stop, and we happened to head off in the same direction.

Our conversation went (almost) exactly as follows:

Me: So, you work at an international boarding school? Me too!
Stranger: Neat. Where?
Me: Here in Germany.
Stranger: My school is in the U.S. But I've lived overseas, too.
Me: Where?
Stranger: In Asia.
Me: Me, too. Where in Asia.
Stranger: In Taiwan.
Me: Me, too.
Stranger: I was there on a Fulbright scholarship.
Me: What?!? Me, too!
Stranger: Okay, this is freaky. Where in Taiwan?
Me: I-Lan Province.
Stranger: Shut up! Me, too. If you say Gu-Ting Elementary with Gloria, I ...
Me: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stranger: ...
Me: ...
(Mouths wide open.)
Stranger: When?
Me: 2004/05
Stranger: I was there in 2008/09. It was weird. When I was there, they kept saying I looked like one of their former teachers, a Katrina.
Me: I'm Katrina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, I was shouting at this point. I mean, what are they odds?! We took a picture to send to Gloria, and then we parted ways, probably never to meet again. Then again ....

What are you fixating on?

The end of November was a bit bumpy. I felt as if either I specifically or a particular group in which I am a member was being excluded or passed over on three particular occasions. It wasn't fun; in fact, it hurt quite a lot. Which then led to frustration and anger and lashing out. And those things pretty much destroy relationships. Not only did I have a hard time interacting with the people who made these decisions, but I had an even harder time sitting down and being close to God. On top of that, things at school took a turn for the worse due to the complaining nature of some of our students. Parents and friends began approaching me on their behalf, saying "Something's wrong - fix it," and the Middle Schoolers themselves became more and more vociferous. It was like a poison spreading its talons throughout our school until all the grades were complaining. About everything.

You get the picture. I was down, grumpy, blue, and there was pressure on me to fix things I couldn't fix, and the things I wanted I wasn't getting.  Of course, that's when God knocked me in the head with truth again: it's never about me. Never. Not even a little bit. At least not when I've dedicated myself to being his servant (which I have). At a small group night in which we joined some other groups for Prayer Stations at school, I rediscovered grace (a fairly regular occurrence in my life). Fixating my life on anything other than my Lord and his grace is cheating myself. It's a small, simple truth with a power to change a life. That night, I penned these words. (As usual, they're still in rough draft form. Forgive me.)

See Jesus
Col. 1:15-23, Hebrews 12:2

Sunlight explodes into refractions of aqua and amber, but I’m too busy analyzing my reflection in the mirror, staring at a dull copper penny despite the open vault of treasures behind me. A pinch here and there, the introspection of my faults incessant, like water left in a sponge. Squeeze hard enough and it will be mine to control, never mind the resonance of a nearby rushing river. Squint a little, move in closer to the mirror, stand on top of an Alpine peak and keep my eyes shut.

Reminisce how I was passed over yet again. List my weaknesses to explain away the pain. Rub my arms, trying to warm myself over a tea light, ignoring the blazing fire in the garden. Shooting stars dance across the galaxy for my delight while I dig for my triple-A battery-operated flashlight – to enhance the light. I attempt to combat the looming stack of failures. Save the scrap of kindling; use the medieval manuscript instead. Burn away the truth until I’m too blinded to see.

That I’m decorating walls with kitchen scraps and tossing the priceless Van Gogh. Sleeping on a concrete floor next to a plush, King-sized, silk-sheeted bed. The world revolves around my Earth instead of the brilliant, firstborn Sun. As if my shadow held the same colorful brilliance as his visage. As if the weight of my failures could compare to the vast canyon of His proffered grace, fire, treasure, or truth. Open your eyes and look away to see.

So that's what I've been learning. It's a daily challenge to look at Jesus instead of my problems or my issues, but it's worth it. I have joy again. And amazingly, the things I was passed over for don't seem that important anymore. The complaining students have been given an outlet and appear to have quieted down. I never want to stop staring intently into His face and gaining His perspective!

Cuneiform anyone?

I am so ashamed that I didn't post at all during November. Here are some snapshots, especially from our 6th grade Cuneiform tablet making and Fall Party. Soon I'll post something more thoughtful. Promise! (It's almost break time.)

Roman Creativity

I absolutely LOVE the Roman Timeline day. This year's class has really raised all my future expectations of them. :-) Hope you enjoy their effort and creativity as much as I do:

 

Temperature is Relative

Overhead in the hallway today, on our second rather chilly day in Germany (low 60's).

Student from Afghanistan: It's so cold!
Student from Brazil: I know, right!!!
Student from South Carolina: For sure! Why aren't the radiators on yet?!
Student from Russia: What are you guys talking about? It's fine.

First Days

First days of school aren't my favorite. Don't get me wrong. I love the reunions with smiling former students, I enjoy the tingle of excitement in the air, and I almost always cry during the Seniors' parade of flags during Opening Ceremonies. (Yes, this year, too.) But first days also signal the final shift, the solidifying that last year really is now last year. Those 8th graders are out of my classroom forever. Friends who left in June for good truly are not here anymore. And I have to start over training in a whole bunch of 6th graders to my classroom procedures and expectations. First days are grand, they're necessary and right, but they're not my favorite.

My favorite school days come four weeks in. When I've mastered all the new students' names and feel comfortable to shoot hoops with them in the fresh fall air. When the bus schedule is finally worked out to accommodate all kind of special circumstances and no more students get left behind at wrong bus stops. When talking of classroom procedures has finally fully given way to talking about history and our place in it. When I experience freedom to stop performing and to truly start relating. That's when it starts to get good. :-)

with the new M.S. Principal

When I blew it on Day 1

Last Monday was the first day that all the staff was together on our Middle School campus. It was full of excitement, anticipation, and freshness. It was also chaotic as we weathered change after change that we couldn’t control. Chaos grew into frustration, and before I knew it, I blew it.

The details aren’t important, but by the grace of God, a person in my life had the courage and love to confront me. Of course, initially I was humbled and embarrassed, then guilt-ridden and self-condemning. But with processing, here’s what I learned:

1. Harsh words from friends are more valuable than kisses from enemies.

2. Attitude is a vital part of leadership.

3. His mercies are new every morning.

Thank God for #3 most of all!

It’s funny how it’s not the big trial of the year, the weighty decision that might affect a student’s future or the confrontation from a parent that got me down so quickly. In the grade scheme of things, it was a minute thing. I guess it’s good to learn lessons at the beginning. May it lead to less of me and more of him.

Historical Proof

Recently some friends and I visited a historical site. I was giddy the entire drive there and virtually bolted from the car toward the entrance to purchase my ticket. It’s important that I’m first because it doesn’t stay that way for long. Within minutes of entering the Roman amphitheater, I was already drifting behind, pausing to try out the stone seats, sit in the leftovers of a swimming pool, trace the remnants of a mosaic floor, and stroke each column as if it were a soft, fluffy pet. (Actually, I probably prefer ancient columns to soft, fluffy pets.) As we clambered back into the car, my friend asked me what it was about historical “stuff” that got me so excited.

That was an excellent question. I think it’s about learning, perhaps some about imagination and understanding. Mostly, however, it’s about connecting. It’s no secret I’m a history nerd extraordinaire and wish with all my might Bill and Ted’s time-traveling phone booth were real, for then I would be able to see my heroes. We’d hear each other talk, breathe the same air, and experience the same things. I’d be able to hook my arm in theirs and walk down the boulevard and truly understand their lives because I would have lived them. In some ways, I still hold on to that hope for my future (not the time machine bit, just the being with my heroes).

I rediscovered a short impressionist piece I wrote a couple of years ago after returning from the Middle East. It’s rough (as is everything I write), but maybe it will make my feelings a bit clearer:

Time and Space

The slab of marble winks up at me: Tomb of St. John. My friend next to me snickers, registering her disbelief, and to acquiesce, I nod my head. My historian brain understands this CAN’T be John’s tomb. But I feel so close; I’m grasping for a connection that is just outside of my reach. I’ve crossed the obstacle of space; why should the barrier of time still keep me from touching him?

I want to rip open the tomb and find John’s remains, perhaps clutching a pen and the original manuscript of Revelation as proof. What I wouldn’t give to find that love note from Jacob to Rachel that she preserved so well in a jar buried in the ground, perhaps directly under the well in Shechem. I want to unearth the tablets from a 2,000-year old Roman census in Bethlehem and find the names of Joseph and Mary listed under the House of David. And who wouldn’t want to see the rock I discover on a forlorn hill near Nazareth with the rudimentary carvings of two childhood friends: Eli and Yeshua, a little cross drawn across the top of the h just so we can know it’s the right guy.

It’s more than just having evidence for Biblical events. I want to touch it, to hold it in my own hands and be, even if just for a minute, linked to someone from the past through that inanimate object. The thrill I get just by being in the same place, staring at the same scenery, is so deeply moving that an outsider might mistake me for a star-struck, saint-loving, relic-collecting Bible character stalker. But time has continued its relentless march, and the Lord saw fit to place me in the 21^st century. So, I praise Him for the layers of dirt that separate me from too many ruins, which would draw my gaze downward instead of forcing it up.

One day, I will be able to grasp John – the living John – and firmly shake his pen-stained hand; when Jacob and Rachel kiss me on the cheek; when the House of David, from the man himself down to Joseph and Mary, greet me and welcome me home; when Jesus grasps my face between his hands and I see my name carved on the palm of his hands; when all the stars, saints, and relics in the world unite around the throne of God to praise him for the story he has written: then I’ll touch my proof.

It's only been 4 years ...

... and yet technology is baffling me. It's not even the great, big technology items - I've stayed on top of laptops, iPads, and various Internet sites - it's the little things. I stood in the kitchen struggling to pull up the straw part of Livvi's brand new sippy cup, and it just wouldn't budge. I pulled and strained and twisted, and thought It's a kid's cup, for goodness sake! That's when my niece from the other side of the table says, "Push da button."

Maybe that was a stupid example, but it's all too common. I couldn't find the actual key part on the key to my parents' new car. You can't drive without that. My steering wheel is full of buttons to control the XM radio station, phone calls, and other options. Just like remotes! They have been my absolute least favorite item, and I have yet to conquer a single one. In church yesterday, instead of filling out the Attendance Card as I had done for 10 years, the text number appeared on the screen, and the entire congregation whipped out their smart phones to send in attendance. Oh yeah, and one brother uses his smartphone as a TV remote. Double whammy for me!

I am out of the loop, for sure! Bad or good, I just wasn't expecting this after only 4 years! :-)

Night to Shine

Scrubbed clean and shimmering, the 8th grade class of 2013 was all smiles in the spotlight, and I sat back with a sigh to take it all in. This was the evening they had only been anticipating for three years, or so they said. Dinner had been enjoyed by all, even the deliciously secretive baby photos their parents had sent us weeks in advance had made their mark, and now we were all gathered in the auditorium to pay tribute: a lauding of character traits we admired, praise for three years of accomplishment and growth, expressed expectations for the great things still to come.

As each 8th grader climbed the daunting steps and listened to the tribute and while the audience ahhhed, laughed, and applauded at the appropriate moments, I inwardly said good-bye to each one. So many memories: the time MC yelled "flamingos" for no reason in the middle of class, the time MT threw her arms around me in a surprise hug, the embarrassing moment when I called JG another student's wife by accident. I'll forever savor the two minutes I got to hold JK's hand while he sobbed over a deep hurt. I will cherish the dinner conversation with AM and CC when they shared about their God-given joys in life. I recall the cookies that IW, DD, and MF dropped in my mailbox just the other week. And I know it's time to let go. I don't want to, but it's time. They have slipped my grasp of Middle School (most tower over me by now), and they are more than ready to tackle the challenge of High School. So we celebrate with them this night. We recognize their individuality and with heavy hearts, saturated with pride and heart-break, release them to shine.

Treasured Gifts

Last night was our final Small Group of this school year, and nostalgia rolled over me much like the thunder storm did on top of Hochblauen (our local mountain). While munching on cucumbers and crackers on our make-shift picnic blanket, we bade farewell to the girls' sophomore year by looking back at the gifts we have received. Some were physical, given to each other throughout the year, while others were relational, in the welcoming of two new girls into our group this Spring. They have blessed us already in so many ways. I know I will treasure the marble heart in colors of beige and purple, and I love the games AA has taught us since her arrival.

Of course, my favorite gifts are the ones that gathered in my living room every Wednesday to share tea, cookies, and lives. The girls dug deep this year, and I loved intermixing our fun, goofy times (mainly during sleep-overs) with some serious, vulnerable sharing of the heart. We examined stories this year: the ones we find in the Bible and the ones God is writing into our lives at this very moment. I'll miss them dearly over the summer but look forward to another year of learning more about each other and about our Savior at the same time. Here's to you, MT, EE, PM, KH, AA, HH, CB, and HR!

Lugano 2013

Lugano - our annual trip to southern Switzerland with the 8th graders - was a blast. Apart from the too-close-for-comfort experience with near hypothermia when 9 kids decided to swim across the lake, things went really smoothly. The times in devotions were amazing. Below are my pictorial impressions and expressions.

 Anything more beautiful than seeing students pray together?

 Posing at our overlook with all the sweet 8th grade girls.

 The hikers who kept me company at the back.

A gale came up during our ferry ride. Some acting may have been involved. :-)

Only one injury that required all 5 chaperones to fix.

Third time co-leading this trip with my excellent colleague, Rachel! Thanks, friend!

Van ride home!

Fighting the Entitlement Mentality

This lesson is recent and raw, but I may as well get it down while it's fresh in my mind. I'm always grateful when God speaks to me so crystal clearly on something, even when it's a gentle smack in the face.

See, without going into too many details or wanting to put down my beautiful students, there's been some battling going on between teachers and students of late. Mainly it's been in regard to the end-of-the-year dinner. Students have been making various, what I'll call "selfish," requests for it, and after thought and research, we have basically said "no" to most of them. The response has been, as to be expected, less than enthusiastic and culminated on Friday on their M.S. evaluations. Several negative comments followed each other until I somewhat exploded into a tirade. "Don't they realize that this dinner is entirely a gift?! From us to them! It costs them nothing, and we shower them with love and stories and gifts and personally written notes, and yet they're demanding things to be exactly their way. And when it's not, they gripe and whine and say we're treating them like 3rd graders! This isn't a 'right,' it's a free gift. A gift!"

I'm pretty sure God waited all of two seconds before I heard the Holy Spirit clear as day in my heart: "Sound familiar, Katrina?" When I stop to consider all the gifts God has given me, it doesn't take me too long to shut my mouth. I get to live and work in the absolute best setting I could imagine, with people who also love what they do and the kids they do it for. God has, for some reason, seen fit to place me into a supportive family, and my circle of wonderful friends spans the globe. I'm healthy and get to travel, and I haven't even broached the subject yet of all the gifts Christ gave me through his death on the cross - salvation, redemption, eternal life! The very breath I use to complain against him is a gift. And that's my default, isn't it: to complain and gripe and say "But why couldn't I have been made like this? And why can't I have that?"

Entitlement. It takes me back to the original sin in the Garden. It's the idea that God is holding out on something good that we deserve, something that is our right. It's the lie we've been taught from the cradle that we should only have good things happen to us. Yet, a friend back in Minnesota used to say it straight forward a lot: "What we truly deserve is eternal hell." And he was right. Entitlement is a lie because God doesn't hold out. In fact, what he has promised and guaranteed us is exactly the opposite in all the splurging he plans to do in heaven. With such an amazing future in our back pockets, why shouldn't we be willing to endure fire and brimstone in this life if he asked us to. The final reward stands absolutely secure. Entitlement steals our joy in the here and now. It darkens those lenses that allow us to see every gift for what it actually is: a gift! "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights" (James 1:17). In that one instant, I saw myself and my sweet kiddoes in the light of truth. As believers, we're not getting what we deserve, and that's a good thing.

This wasn't meant to be a sermon, except to my own soul, but perhaps you can identify. When I saw my tirade in light of my own short-comings and God's generosity, I was able to leave my office again and feel genuine love again for the students. Just one more gift from his hand to my heart.

The beautiful 8th grade class - they really do hold a special place in my heart!

Of Castles and Paper Airplanes

  

The weather wasn't quite what I had hoped for, but there was no changing plans now. I had told the 8th graders that we were hiking to the castle today, and hike we would! Armed with our lunches, hiking shoes, cameras, and a Castle worksheet, 24 students and 5 teachers set out for Sausenburg.

Despite the rain, we had a blast clambering over curtain walls and scaling up the stairs of the tower, checking out the view of the bailey and batter below (ask an 8th grader what all these terms mean). Where things grew interesting was in regard to NG's paper airplane. (Why yes, it was made out of his castle worksheet). I had a rule about not throwing litter from the top of the tower (thanks to the kid last year who lost his worksheet that way), but NG very badly wanted to toss his paper airplane down. Soon he had the whole class begging on his behalf as well. The pressure was on. After surveying the situation and eliciting a promise from NG that he would retrieve it no matter where it landed - even from the far side of the woods - and a promise from the rest of the class not to copycat him, I finally relented. He leaned back and let fly! 

And it landed about seven feet away, below him, in the middle of the vines on the tower (blue spot in the second picture). No retrieval possible. I've never heard 24 8th graders laugh so hard!

 Fun was had by all, and with any blessing, some things were learned as well about castles and the Middle Ages and the wisdom of the words "I really don't think that's a good idea...."

Alvin Fernald: Mayor for a Day

I'm clad completely in black, half-crouched behind the set and surrounded by sixteen Middle schoolers. Twelve of them are budding thespians currently pacing circles in the itty bitty living space allotted to them. It's clear some of them are fighting the urge to wipe the sweat from their brows, the stern words of the make-up artists still ringing in their ears: "Do not touch your foreheads!" Outside, beyond our black fortress, we can hear the crowd cramming in to their seats. Sold out, we were told. Some parents have flown from far away countries to come watch their children shine on stage.

HK tries to release some tension by doing jumping jacks and is immediately shushed by the four others when they see the set wobble. PR is quoting lines - not just hers. She had memorized everyone else's lines by about week two of practice. Her task is a difficult one tonight though, playing the love interest to the main character. KB is bubbling with nervous babble next to me, and I nod with a smile and a gentle pat on her police cap.

Suddenly the house lights begin to flicker. Sixteen students around me gasp and duck as if they've been struck. The long-awaited moment has come. The music cues, and DD takes his place next to door. With one final adjustment of the bow tie, he disappears and is replaced by Alvin Fernald who cautiously opens the door onto stage with a "Hello?" and will not return until the final bow has been taken.

And shine they do. Every single one of them. The crowd laughs at all the right moments and even at some unexpected ones. KB nails every single one of my favorite lines (she had them all), LW is cute as all get out, KJ manages to keep a stern face for all her mean lines, and PR's awkard kiss even finds its mark. The crowd hoots and hollers, and I can't help but cheer along with them. Even though I contributed little to this production beyond crowd control, my heart is absolutely bursting with pride!

I'm proud of these kids and their outstanding efforts to put on an amazing show. I'm proud of my colleagues and the way they were able to coax this talent out of ordinary kids. I'm proud of the community who sees the value in coming out tonight and supporting Middle Schoolers. I'm proud of the God who created them all with talents and allows them to put them on display to show off his creativity and unique personality placement. And this pride humbles me, too. What a responsibility to continue to love on these kids (and the 46 others who sat in the audience) and help them ALL discover their gifts. What a privilege.

 Trying to make HK look older.

Pre-show jitters for the star DD.

PR getting her make-up applied.

The process is a little more painful for JO who fights it all the way.

 The most beautiful fire chief ever: JC

 KJ's mom flew in from another continent!

 So impressed with the way KB stretched herself!

Cast, crew, and director